Restlessness to Peace

I know it's been a while since I've offered any updates on our journey. The sad reality is that there are no updates. We are waiting..... waiting...... waiting.  I filed the supplement 3 for our 1800a and received the receipt within a few days. I was encouraged by that at first, but since then I've been playing the mailbox game again.....  Standing in front, praying aloud, playing through the scenario of what kind of excitement dance to do around my neighborhood IF our approval is found within.....  Then open the box, riffle through every envelope and have that heart sinking gut wrenching feeling of extreme disappointment when it's just not there...... again.

You would think that by now it would be different. I do trust God 100% I know his timing is perfect, but I find myself wondering. Is He waiting for me to do something? Have I missed something? Is there some event or action that I am supposed to say yes to that I am oblivious to? Funny how in one moment I can say I trust God 100%.... and mean it with every ounce of my soul, then the next truly wonder what I am doing wrong. As if He needs me at all. His plan is perfect in design. HE and HE alone makes all things possible.

I realize that my biggest obstacle in this journey has been my own pride.  For some reason I have taught myself in life to be "self reliant", "Strong", "independent" "self sufficient". Are these qualities bad?  YES! Yes, they are because it puts me in constant battle for first place.  I'm am those things and in being so, I'm in the way.  Here you get a glimpse of my constant struggle "SURRENDER".

God's timing is perfect and I always return to the memory of a gift my father gave me for Christmas in 1990.  A nice blue leather Bible.  Inside he wrote me a personal message and referenced Colossians 2:1-5 " I want you to know how much I am struggling for you and those at Laodicea, and for all who have not met me personally. My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely the Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. I tell you this so that no one may  be deceive by fine-sounding arguments. For though I am absent from you in body, I am present with you in spirit and delight to see how orderly you are and how firm your faith in Christ is."

So back then at 14 years old my dad was praying that I would know God. It look 15 more years for that to truly happen. God knew that I was his. He had it planned. He knew the terrible choices that I would make, what I would go through.... and exactly how he would save me. So it always helps me a great deal to remember. His timing not ours.

He is in control. He knows what day Jason and I will go to China. He knows the day we will meet our daughter. He knows how all expenses will be paid. He knows..... He knows......

So, I am surrendering my heart of restlessness and giving it over to a heart of peace. Someday soon, whenever God makes it happen, I will be doing that dance around my neighborhood in celebration of the long awaited I800 approval.