Dance Central

Monday December 12th was a day just like any other. I got off work late (as usual) and did the kid round up.  This day, as I approached my mailbox I did not have even the slightest bit of anticipation.  I was in the place of total surrender. Of course, I was hoping that the I800 approval was there, but I was almost sure it WAS NOT!

I very distinctly remember being on the phone with Jason having a light and easy conversation about the days events. I open the mailbox and stopped DEAD in my tracks! Right on top there was a letter from the Department of Homeland Security. What??? Really??? I don't remember what came next the scream, the tears.... or the laugh.  I ripped open the envelope to discover that my amended I800a and I800  approval were both contained within!

I SERIOUSLY did a little jig at the mailbox. I cried, I laughed, and I danced and danced! Although contrary to my wild visions of  a lyrical hip hop number, the dancing was mostly contained within the parameters of my heart.  Again and Again I was reminded that we are EXACTLY where we are supposed to be in this journey. Smack dab in the middle of God's will..... HIS perfect timing.

From there, things have moved so swiftly I can barely keep up.  Thursday Dec.15th we mailed off our passports and applied for our visas. Friday Dec.16th I received the approval letter from the NCV and tomorrow this information will be sent to the representative in China.

We are getting so close. We only have a few steps left in the process, then we will be on our way! I'm praying for travel in January! I thank everyone so deeply and sincerely for all the prayers and financial support that you've blessed us with. Jason and I would not be where we are if God had not placed you in our lives to walk along side us in this miraculous journey. Thank you! Thank You! Thank you!

Restlessness to Peace

I know it's been a while since I've offered any updates on our journey. The sad reality is that there are no updates. We are waiting..... waiting...... waiting.  I filed the supplement 3 for our 1800a and received the receipt within a few days. I was encouraged by that at first, but since then I've been playing the mailbox game again.....  Standing in front, praying aloud, playing through the scenario of what kind of excitement dance to do around my neighborhood IF our approval is found within.....  Then open the box, riffle through every envelope and have that heart sinking gut wrenching feeling of extreme disappointment when it's just not there...... again.

You would think that by now it would be different. I do trust God 100% I know his timing is perfect, but I find myself wondering. Is He waiting for me to do something? Have I missed something? Is there some event or action that I am supposed to say yes to that I am oblivious to? Funny how in one moment I can say I trust God 100%.... and mean it with every ounce of my soul, then the next truly wonder what I am doing wrong. As if He needs me at all. His plan is perfect in design. HE and HE alone makes all things possible.

I realize that my biggest obstacle in this journey has been my own pride.  For some reason I have taught myself in life to be "self reliant", "Strong", "independent" "self sufficient". Are these qualities bad?  YES! Yes, they are because it puts me in constant battle for first place.  I'm am those things and in being so, I'm in the way.  Here you get a glimpse of my constant struggle "SURRENDER".

God's timing is perfect and I always return to the memory of a gift my father gave me for Christmas in 1990.  A nice blue leather Bible.  Inside he wrote me a personal message and referenced Colossians 2:1-5 " I want you to know how much I am struggling for you and those at Laodicea, and for all who have not met me personally. My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely the Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. I tell you this so that no one may  be deceive by fine-sounding arguments. For though I am absent from you in body, I am present with you in spirit and delight to see how orderly you are and how firm your faith in Christ is."

So back then at 14 years old my dad was praying that I would know God. It look 15 more years for that to truly happen. God knew that I was his. He had it planned. He knew the terrible choices that I would make, what I would go through.... and exactly how he would save me. So it always helps me a great deal to remember. His timing not ours.

He is in control. He knows what day Jason and I will go to China. He knows the day we will meet our daughter. He knows how all expenses will be paid. He knows..... He knows......

So, I am surrendering my heart of restlessness and giving it over to a heart of peace. Someday soon, whenever God makes it happen, I will be doing that dance around my neighborhood in celebration of the long awaited I800 approval.

I800 Delima Solved

Monday morning I called my caseworker first. She was a little confused why the NBC was rejecting my application. The language of "up to three years of age" had previously been accepted.  She was absolutely amazing!!! She called my officer at the NBC and spoke with him.  He indicated that there has been "too many problems" (whatever that means???) with that language and the approval age must be up to, but not including the current age of the child at the match.

 So ,the solution is to file supplement 3 for my I800A, attach an addendum to my homestudy approving our family for a child up to 4 and pay $360. Praise God it was pretty painless.  I know there may be many readers that don't understand all this crazy adoption terminology and I am sorry.

The good news is that I should get both the I800A and the I800 approval at the same time, so we are only looking at a a few week delay!!! Yay!  That prayer of ours  for a December gotcha date may still be answered affirmatively!!!

Only For A Moment

Today was a great and relaxing day.  Usually our weekend schedule is jammed packed with multiple events. Today our family was able to just relax, hang out and have a low stress day.

We went over to our best friends  new house, hung out for a bit, then they treated us to an awesome dinner at one of our favorite restaurants.  All day I was excited in anticipation of the "mail box experience".

Once again, I said a prayer, as my husband checked the mailbox. As he handed me the giant stack of mail, I quickly raced through the contents seeking the 1800 approval I've been longing for.  I see it!  The return address on one of the envelopes is from the US Department of Homeland Security.....For a moment, my heart beat races and I feel the excitement and joy of a victory.  We are one step closer to hugging our daughter.  But only for a moment.

Only for a moment. As I eagerly rip open the envelope the first sentence rips my heart out. The NBC is unable to process your claim at this time.  What how can this be???? Well, as it turns out our homestudy language approves us for a female child up to three years of age with special needs.  The NBC is unable to complete our claim because LeQiao is already 3 years old. 

At this point I can only guess the details of what this means.  I only know that this means a DELAY and additional fees! Whahhh, I don't want a delay. We have to file a supplement to our I800-A and update our hometudy.  I have no idea how long these things will take.  I can't wait until Monday when I can talk to my caseworker to find out the details.        

After a short lived pity party I am reminded that God's timing is always best. I do trust Him 100% I chose to rejoice during this trial. I could easily get swept away in my most natural response of sorrow and worry. Time and time again God reminds me that "I " am not in control. He is in control and I am now at a place where I must get back to the place of total surrender.  I surrender my ideals of timing.  I surrender my fear. I surrender my frustration. I surrender my broken heart.


 Lord, one day in December Jason and I trusted You and applied to adopt. Today I trust that You will deliver Josie to us in Your perfect timing. I do pray that this obstacle is overcome quickly so that we can bring our precious girl home soon.  I know that's where you want her so please make it so. I'm still praying for a travel date in December. Still praying for that miracle. Regardless of my desire on timing, I trust you and surrender myself to  your will.

From Then Until Now

A lot has happened since December when we were obedient in filing our adoption application.

The daughter that God called us to has paraplasia ossium of the limbs. We contacted our pediatrician and a bone specialist.  This diagnosis does not translate into english.  It appears by her measurements she is EXTREMELY small for her age.  She has limb differences and may have a form of dwarfism.  Once again this is a step of faith for us.  We know without a doubt that this is the child God called us to. Until we get her home we are not sure of her accurate diagnosis or potential treatments.  We are 100% okay with that.... we are choosing to trust God.

As of today, we are anxiously awaiting our I 800 approval.  Every day the most exciting moment comes  as I stand in front of my mailbox anticipating the receipt of wonderful news.  Any day.... Any day......

Once we receive that approval we move on to the next waiting phase...... A letter from NVC (National Visa Center) will be forwarded to the consulate in China........

One thing is for certain, God has shown Jason and I a new understanding of patience and trust. It is such an interesting feeling; to be in love with a girl that we have never met before.  Our family talks about Josie every day. We pray for her....we long for her. She is already such a integral part of each of our lives, yet she may have no idea what lays ahead for her. 

We were blessed to learn (from my dear friend) of a third party source in China named Red Thread China that delivers packages to your waiting child in an orphanage. We were able to send some gifts and a photo album with family portraits. I am praying that she has access to this album and is able to see  her new family.

Here are the updated photos that Ann at Red Thread  China received from the orphanage staff.......

Getting Started

This is a  new experience for me..... sharing my heart in such a public forum. I've decided that it is almost selfish to keep our journey to ourselves.  My desire is that through our story, others may see, that the impossible is most definitely possible through the amazing grace and power of God.

CATCHING UP............ADOPTION TESTIMONY

As a little girl, I always pictured myself with many, many children, both biological and adopted. I have thought about it many times throughout my complicated life. My circumstances were rocky and I was NOT living inside the will of God so I never seriously pursued the adoption option. (This was also before my relationship with my husband).

About 6 years ago Jason and I made the commitment to Christ. We had two beautiful boys together.  When  I found out I was having a boy with our second son, I would always make comments that our next child would be a little girl from Africa.  My husband would laugh it off and tell me NO! I just knew that we would in fact adopt, but wasn't really worried about the timing.  I trusted that if it was meant to be, God would reveal the timing to us. When my youngest son turned three I got a very strong desire to adopt. I began doing research and checking into adoption agencies. I will admit that I was a little obsessed. My husband was not interested in adopting at the time because our finances would not support the costs. 

Meanwhile, a family at church adopted twin boys from Africa. We were blessed to share in their journey through their family blog.  I confessed my desire to adopt to my friend and she shared her story. They were not in strong financial circumstances either and God literally made every provision at every corner to complete their adoption.  It provided encouragement  and the revelation that fear should not be a deterrent. If God was truly asking us to adopt a child, then he would provide and who were we to question His will?

So that became our prayer. Lord are you calling us to adopt? And immediately Jason and I were inundated with adoption stories, speakers at church, and the conviction that God was calling us to adopt.  Some may have called it a coincidence, but we felt a surreal peace that God was revealing truths to us through the people he placed before us. There was no doubt when my husband turned to me during a Harmony Outreach presentation at our church and said, "Rachel, I think we are supposed to adopt".  God changed my resistant husbands heart. You have no idea the miracle that this change of heart is! Through our prayers we discovered that God was not calling us to adopt from Africa, but China. Again, I will admit at first I was confused, I always pictured our adopted daughter as African.  But once again, God revealed to me that I am often caught getting in the way of His work with my own ideas and agenda ( I laugh out loud humbly, because every time, his way proves to be best).

So our process began. In December 2011 we filed our application. We have been absolutely amazed at how God has provided us with every payment we have needed to date.  Now we are blessed to be an encouragement to others. This adoption is a true testimony to God's provision. Every time, He has given us just what we needed, just when we needed it. He always provides it in a way that proves to us and others (which is so exciting) that only through Him these things are possible. He asks us to take a step in faith then meets us and provides.

In May we "locked" a file for 3 year old little girl (le Qiao). Her neurological development is on target, but she is abnormally small. Her arms are very short and not symmetrical with the rest of her body. There is a possibility that she may have a form of dwarfism.  We were immediately interested in more information about her when we reviewed her file.  I contacted my caseworker and the next day ( Friday) I received an email that she was off the shared list secure website..... meaning another family had her locked.

I was devastated. I knew that I wasn't supposed to get my hopes up, or attached to a child, but I was in mourning. I felt like my daughter had been taken away.  The next several  children's files my caseworker sent us were of children with severe disabilities.  I can not express in words the total grief and discouragement I felt. I felt so sad, to reject children. I read these beautiful children's stories and struggled with feelings of selfishness as some of their disabilities felt so overwhelming. So I prayed..... God PLEASE show me! Show me our daughter and I will obey. Show us who you have intended for us. PLEASE!

Tuesday morning I was driving home from work. Crying out to God about the disappointment I felt. I prayed that I would not be discouraged and remain in faith that He would show me who our daughter was to be.  Then I prayed Lord, if this child (le Qiao) is her, then please let her show back up on the list AND have my caseworker catch it to notify us. My phone rang interrupting my prayer.  I was driving, so I wasn't going to answer it, but I felt compelled to pull over and answer my phone.  It was my caseworker! She called me to tell me that the file we were interested in returned to the list and she locked it for us!!!!!! I was overcome by tears of joy! God is so amazing and it feels so awesome to know without a doubt that this is the child he chose for us.

The thing that I absolutely love most about our adoption journey is the walk of 100% faith and trust that God has led my husband and I on.  Words could never adequately express the way that God has used our adoption process to bind my husband and I together in trust, faith and complete adoration for the one and only who could ever deserve such praise.  God himself. This journey is not about Jason and Rachel. This journey is truly about obedience to God.